4 Simple Ways Your Kid Can Crush it in Games Like They Do Practice
[Note: A lot of "boy/he/him" terms are used in this article but this ABSOLUTELY applies to girls and softball players too, so stick with me if that applies to you. I've got something for you at the end :) ]
Is your kid playing great in practice...
...but struggling in games?
Well if so, I've got a little secret that I want to share with you right now:
More swings in the cage is NOT going to fix his problem.
Neither is telling him what he's doing wrong, or suggesting that he "relax" or "stay confident".
It's not that these are bad suggestions or anything...in fact, they're spot on.
The problem is, it just doesn't work.
It didn't work for me when I was a player.
I always went into panic mode when I struggled...even in little league.
But lucky for me, my slumps never lasted *too* terribly long...
...so when the hits came back, my confidence came back.
But fast forward to my last year of professional baseball with the Astros, and the cold streaks got longer and deeper.
Back in 2005, I spent much of the year not only fighting to stay above .200, but also fighting the loss of confidence and the MAJOR fear about the future.
"What happens if I don't turn this around?"
I had no confidence at the plate and my coaches (and everyone else with eyeballs) could see it plain as day.
Coaches tried to encourage me with "Don't worry about it, just play"
or "You're a good player, believe in yourself."
And while their suggestions were perfect advice....
It was TERRIBLE instruction!
Like, "Oh okay just be confident *snaps fingers*, now I am better!"
You can't talk someone into being confident, and while I appreciated those kind suggestions...
...they never improved my confidence...or my results.
And now that I'm a father, those suggestions don't work on my son either.
In practice he'd be great. He had as much ability as everyone, his actions were smooth, confident and strong.
And then come gametime, things would change.
After a tough at bat or two (or shoot, sometimes before his first at bat!) that player I've seen all week in practice...
would just disappear.
So that'd start the cycle of him feeling bad about himself, wondering what other people are thinking about him and finally thinking bad thoughts about what kind of player he is.
So now that I was seeing the doubts, fears and concerns that haunted my mind during my playing days now playing tricks on my son...
...and my hollow suggestions of "just stay confident, be aggressive" having no impact at all...
I knew there had to be a better way.
...and there IS a better way.
Now, here's something to think about...
What if getting your son (or daughter) to consistently perform at their best was less about following directions and endless repetitions in practice...
...and more about giving them the tools and steps for them to handle their emotions to ALLOW for their training and skill to shine on gameday.
Really think about that.
Because the mind left alone on the baseball field is like a wild beast rampaging through a city.
You can't just talk this beast into behaving...
...or just hope that he goes away.
Action needs to be taken to eliminate the problem.
Now, I have four techniques to share with you that when applied will make an ACTUAL difference in your son's performance.
But before I do I want to share a quick example with you...
The Jones' vs The Lovejoy's
The Jones' vs The Lovejoy's is a concept I came up with to help demonstrate the two camps or mindsets that us as parents and players operate within.
Although these are not real “flesh and blood” people per se — their traits are absolutely real and based on real people.
You’re currently one of ’em.
Which one? … well, you’ll need to read the rest of this page to discover that.
But know this … one of them is struggling through this baseball process. The other is crushing it.
Meet the Jones family:
and now meet The Lovejoy's
You see, the Jones family means well.
Little Jones loves baseball.
And while he's not the best on his team, he has his moments when he puts it all together when he's really great.
He says that he wants to play in the big leagues someday, and while that's too far off to think about, his parents want to give him every opportunity to reach his goals, whatever that might be.
The problem is that his smooth, quick, carefree swing that he shows at home and at practice hasn't been there on gamedays.
Look at his last at bat:
First pitch, the pitcher comes right at him with a fastball down the middle, and everything about him is slower.
His swing just drifts through the zone, no resemblance to the confident swing Mr Jones has seen him take a thousand times.
"Swing the bat! Be aggressive!" Dad shouts suggests.
Now down 0-1, he already looks tight in the box.
"Why is he standing like that?" Dad wonders.
Pitch comes and he tries to swing harder, but the result is more of a herky jerky swing with no rhythm...timing is all off.
Strike two.
The next two pitches are both balls, he has a pretty good eye most of the time.
Then the 2-2 pitch comes, he takes his hack and again...it looks slower.
He makes contact but it's not that solid. Ground ball to the shortstop and they get the force out at second. No hit for little Jones.
And this happens time and time again.
Dad thinks" If only he would use his GOOD swing, things would be so much better."
And on the car ride home, Dad really gets on a roll.
He doesn't yell...but he's not exactly calm either.
"What were you doing on that first at bat?" "Just be aggressive" "You know that thing you were doing with your hands in practice this week that worked so well? You didn't do that at all today."
Dad's frustrated.
And so is everyone else in the car.
Now, back to the real world...
...and I'll be honest with you, me and my son have been just like the Jones family.
But I finally decided that I didn't want this to be our experience.
I wanted my son to give HIMSELF a chance to succeed, and see what he can do.
And I certainly don't want our baseball experience (which should be peak Father/Son bonding right?) to be be filled with such tension.
So I looked into options.
I read books.
I called on the best minds I could get a hold of.
And I found fantastic news.
There are ACTUALLY steps and strategies that players can use to combat their nerves and play their best baseball.
There is a way to become the Lovejoy's....
In an effort to make sure that my son doesn't miss out on the training that me and my teammates should have received...
I started doing research...
and to be quite honest, I became obsessed with all things thought, brain and self control related.
And what I found is that there are MANY ways for a player to calm the mind and perform with freedom and confidence.
In fact, there were so many good strategies that it made me kinda mad!
Like, this would have been really helpful, ya know?!
And during the Youth Baseball Summit that I hosted earlier this year, I spoke with the most trusted mental skills coaches who are working daily with our multi-million dollar Major Leaguers on getting their minds right...
(because yes, their minds want to play tricks as well)
...and common themes and methods continued to come up....
...very helpful methods that WE'RE NOT EVEN SHOWING to our young baseball players, let alone helping them put into practice.
And in the year 2018 with this being such a problem, this just isn't okay for me.
Imagine if I sent a kid out into the forest and said, "Go kill a bear."
...and gave him no tool or weapon to accomplish his task!
"Figure it out bud, find a way!
"...oh, and stay confident!"
That kid isn't going to last long out there.
And that's EXACTLY what we're doing with our kids on the baseball field...
Hitting a ball isn't what's so hard. Catching isn't what is so hard...
...it's dealing with the mental demons!
We parents and coaches ask them to slay these demons and give them no tools to do so.
And the result??
Yep, these kids aren't lasting long out there.
But the strategies are out there and I didn't want to wonder "What if" I had shown these techniques to my son.
He wasn't going to be a Jones, he was going to be a Lovejoy.
So the first technique to making that transition is to.....
1. Reinterpret Your Emotions
The emotion of feeling nervous feels ALMOST EXACTLY like the emotion of being excited.
The difference is simply in how the mind labels these feelings.
So when a player feels those vibrations in the body, he is not to say that he's "nervous" or has "the jitters"...
...rather he is "excited".
He is "ready".
Changing the words we use will LITERALLY change the way our brain signals to the body.
So instead of trying to perform the task of hitting a baseball with the body thinking "Oh no, there's a problem"...
...the body now believes "Ok this is great, we're prepared and all is perfect. Let's go".
Which mindset do you think will allow for more fluid and confident motions?
2. Don't Calm Down
Feeling these vibrations of "excitement" are not just normal, they're required.
As Hannah Thurley, mental skills coach for the Philadelphia Phillies told me during the Summit:
"You don't want to calm down. That's not the goal."
Take a look at these three race horses:
Now you tell me, if these horses were going to race 60 seconds from now...
Who are you betting your money on?
Look at horse number one, he is nice and relaxed.
Shoot, he's laying down!!!
He's the horse our sons *think* they should feel like when they compete.
When we tell our kids to relax, they THINK that they shouldn't feel any emotion at all, and when they STILL feel the emotion they believe that something is wrong with them personally...deepening their lack of confidence and intensifying the anxiety.
Now look at horse number three, he's fired up!
The emotions of the moment are getting the best of him, and has lost focus on the task at hand.
And finally look closely at horse number two.
I want you to see this very clearly:
This horse is not calm.
If you notice, his emotions have him walking a little sideways here.
The emotions are pumping through his body at a very high level, but he's still locked in to the moment.
If you're the owner of this horse with millions of dollars on the line..
...would you want him to calm down?
Of course not.
I was an infielder for my entire career, but my senior year in college I found myself in the closer role as well.
And one thing that I found was I *always* could throw harder in games.
It didn't matter how much I tried to amp myself up in the bullpen, there was an extra 2-3 MPH that I just couldn't access unless I felt the gametime adrenaline.
I realized that the game time emotions and adrenaline actually gave me a sort of super power.
So instead of focusing on how "different" and "nervous" I was during the mound, I welcomed it.
"Yes, it's here! I'm ready to do this."
Understanding this concept will change everything.
3. What Would Mike Trout Do?
I love this one...
This involves a lil role playing and visualization and is used by the Lovejoy's of the world.
Ask yourself, how would Mike Trout feel in the on deck circle?
How would he stand?
How would Mike Trout feel in the dugout after making an out?
Would he lose his confidence? Would he say bad things about himself? Would he think about quitting?
Never.
So YOU should behave the same way in those same situations.
Just straight up pretend if you have to.
Here's a great quote from "The Inner Game of Tennis":
"With our athletes we use a type of role playing.
We say, "Imagine that I am the director of a television series. Knowing that you are an actor that plays tennis, I ask if you would like to do a bit part as a top-flight tennis player. I assure you that you needn't worry about hitting the ball out or into the net because the camera will only be focused on you and will not follow the ball.
What I'm mainly interested in is that you adopt professional mannerisms, and that you swing your racket with superior self-assurance.
Above all, your face must express no self doubt. You should look as if you are hitting every ball exactly where you want to. Really get into the role, hit as hard as you like and ignore where the ball is actually going."
This is so big.
You cannot wait to experience positive results before you start behaving with confidence.
I'm gonna say that again to make sure you get this one:
You cannot wait to experience positive results before you start behaving with confidence.
So act confident NOW, even if you don't have much reason to. And THEN positive results will follow.
and there is one more crucial element to becoming more like The Lovejoy's...
because there are two ways a player's emotions are influenced.
The first is through his own thoughts, which we've touched on already.
And the second is by what he is told.
Mom and Dad, if you want your son to play like a Lovejoy, YOU have to make some adjustments as well.
And this isn't a "Oh hey say nice things to your kid because this is just a game and it's the right thing to do."
There's a little bit of that involved, but this is more of:
"This is what is effective in getting your child to perform at his best."
4. Ask Questions - Don't Instruct
How does the ride home sound in your car?
When little Jones has a sub par game, he gets in the car and the instructing begins...
"Your stance looked too narrow today, make sure you get wider."
"Remember what we worked on practice? You didn't do that today."
"You're hitting a lot of pop ups, we need to hit the middle of the ball."
And Dad isn't wrong about any of these statements, but the fact remains...
...is that this isn't helping.
So little Jones came to the game nervous, made some mistakes and is now hearing all about it in the car.
SOUNDS LIKE FUN!!
But these problems need to be addressed, right?
So, what does the Lovejoy family car ride look like?
Talking with Jono Armold, pitching coach with the Texas Rangers and holder of a Masters degree in Behavioral Psychology ...
...and all around great dude...
...his studies showed that players - like most everyone alive - don't like being told what to do.
(Shocker, I know)
But what they don't mind is being asked questions.
"How were you feeling out there today?"
"What do you think went well today?"
"What could have gone better?"
By asking questions, little Lovejoy is encouraged to take ownership of his own growth and improvement.
Because he's prompted to think about how to improve, he is not feeling embarrassed about his mistakes.
Instead of focusing on all of the mistakes like the Jones' car, the Lovejoy are focusing on solutions and improvement.
And do you really want to know the magic of asking questions?
This one is so important...
It's this:
Little Lovejoy almost always comes to the same conclusion that Dad wanted to tell him about in the first place.
So while Mr. Lovejoy is empowering his son and is now looking for new ways to strengthen his son's confidence...
Mr. Jones is suggesting more batting practice.
"We'll get some extra swings in the cage. That will help iron it out."
But you tell me...
Will more swings in the cage fix the Jones' problem?
So which family do you relate to?
I've been a Jones and I'm living life currently as Lovejoy.
And it's good.
It's definitely better.
There are REAL methods you can use to help your son manage his emotions.
And as you know, he's *so* close to being great.
He just has to get over that hump.
He just needs a little help.
So I've put together a training that your son has been missing out on.
And before I get into the details of the program, I want you to know one thing:
It just works.
I've been so excited about the feedback we've gotten from parents so far, because our kids - YOUR KID - want so badly to play well...
...and you'll spend hundreds, sometimes thousands of dollars in lessons and equipment...
and nothing on what is ACTUALLY holding him back.
Before today, you didn't know of an alternative - I know I didn't.
But your eyes are open now...
...and right now you have the opportunity to step up and give your son (or daughter:) a MAJOR dose of positive mindset, encouragement and emotional control training that he so desperately needs.
And all it takes is just a SINGLE concept to connect to transform into a different player on gameday...
...to go from a Jones to a Lovejoy.
I'm telling you, you're so close.
If you are ready to step up for them and learn more, I invite you to click the button below:
